Jimmie Eddie Lee Ponder
September 6, 1949 – December 26, 2019

Jimmie has transitioned home to take his place amongst family that have journeyed home before him. His Memorial Service will be held on Wednesday, January 8th 2020 at 11:00 am

R. J. Gainous Funeral Home Chapel
804 Dr. Mary McLeod Bethune Blvd.
Daytona Beach, FL

Hallelujah to our ancestors as he now moves freely amongst them.

Repast (will follow the service):
The Golden Coral
907 Taylor Road, Port Orange, FL

Condolences to our family, the Ponder-Stokes Family.  We have lost a star that at times, shone so brightly it would light up the evening.

JIMMIE was born in Sylvania, GA to the late Capus and Elnora (Knight) Ponder-Stokes. He was preceded in death by his son Jimmie Jr., his sister Ethel Mae For, and his brothers Willie Knight, Capus Jr., Benjamin, Cyler, and Wilbert Ponder.

Jimmie attended public school in the Screven County (Sylvania, GA) and Volusia County (Daytona Beach, FL) School Systems. Jimmie earned a GED (General Education Development) Certificate.

Jimmie was the ninth of Capus and Elnora’s eleven children. He was my “big brother,”my protector, and my best friend. He kept me out of trouble and on a narrow path; we had many adventures together. A gifted Artist for more than 50 years; master of the pencil, charcoals and pastels. A stylish dresser, he loved singing and playing the bass guitar at the end of most work (Laborer) days. Jimmie was also a fantastic athlete, excelling at boxing.

He leaves to mourn his passing his 3 lovely daughters: Kisha Stokes, Jimmese Zellars (Carlos), and Latasha Tillman. Ten grandchildren; Marissa Willingham (Slone), Kristine stokes, D’Vonte Speed, Jonathon Jackson, Khadijah Jackson, Armand Lee, Cairo Zellars, Travon Williams, DeAndre Williams, and JaiQuan Miller. And, five great grandchildren; Kourtney Willingham, Khloe Willingham, Joshua Willingham, Kharson Jackson and Keondre Williams. Four of his 10 brothers; Dave Ponder, Gregory Stokes, Aleem (Ponder) Fakir and Robert Ponder. Four of his 7 sisters; Catherine (Ponder) Benyard, Bettye (Ponder) Weems, Mary (Ponder) Reid, Frances (Stokes) Larry, and Earnestine (Stokes) Townsend:

….more Loving Memories

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Jimmie’s Gallery of Drawings

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Sharon and I spent a day in the imaginary world of Alice’s Wonderland; on full display at Atlanta’s Botanical Gardens. The Mosaic-culture styled sculptures were awesome and wonderous.

Below are scenes with the Earth Goddess & Pegasus, the winged horse

Dave

The Earth Goddess

Dave & Pegasus

The Earth Goddess

Sharon & Pegasus

Below are more scenes from our time in Wonderland with the Mad Hatter, the Phoenix, and the Cheshire Cat. The Mammoth & the Chess Board was fantastic!

Dave making friends

Dave

Dave & Sharon

Sharon & Dave Selfie

The Chess Board

Sharon & the Phoenix

Mad Hatter

The Mammoth

Cheshire Cat

Mad Hatter

Park Drive – Daytona Beach, FL

It’s mid-1958, Elnora and Capus are now living separately, both still in Florida; Elnora in Daytona Beach, and Capus in Miami. Elnora’s children were dispersed in three different locations: Willie was now living in Washington D.C. and Capus, Jr. was finishing a prison sentence. Benjamin was still overseeing farms, Betty & Bobby (14), Wilbert (12), Grady (11), Jimmie (9), and Mary (6) were all in Sylvania on the farm with grandma and grandpa except for Wilbert who was still with Aunt Viola and Uncle Ben Joe. Catherine and her family, Jeff and Elnora’s baby boy DL are living in Daytona Beach.

Elnora and DL now lived in the home of Earl Stokes (Jack), the man Elnora met on a recent train trip, with his two children Frances and Gregory. Jack owned a rooming house on Park Drive between Campbell and School Street. It was two houses joined together with a walk way; a small house and a larger two story house with 3 or 4 bedrooms on the top floor, a kitchen, bathroom and a porch. I remember the porch for sure as Greg and I use to jump from the porch into the next door neighbor’s yard. It had that soft Florida white sand.

On one side of the main floor was two additional rooms and on the other side was the main suite where Jack and Elnora initially lived with Frances, Greg and DL before moving to the smaller house after Earnestine was born. There was a kitchen and bathroom on the main floor too. In the yard, a Mulberry and a Fig Tree; they both always had juicy fruit. The friends and relationships developed while on Park Drive have endured from those days to these days as they still exist.

For DL, currently 3 years old, this was a time of becoming self-aware, aware of other people and of his surroundings. Moving from Elnora and Capus home to Elnora and Jack’s home; going from a house full of people that looked like him, to a home with two other kids that look nothing like him. They were very light complected and one of them had a head full of curly/straight hair that made him look like a “white boy.” As much as anything this was a time of great confusion for DL: Where am I? Who are these kids? And, where’s my people? Most concerning, for DL was the question of “Where’s my daddy?” It was a time in his life when he was growing, evolving and couldn’t understand why his father was not there for the start of his journey.

Elnora, Jack and the 3 kids; Frances, Greg and DL bonded as family over the next year and a half. Greg and DL acted like real brothers as they would be playing one minute and fighting the next; but they always had each other’s back. Elnora and Jack settled into a seemingly middle class suburban lifestyle that included Elnora working and managing the home; Jack managed and operated the rooms. The kids went to school first at Helen Kottle Nursery, then to Rev. Shaw Kindergarten and on to Turie T. Small Elementary. Elnora and Jack regularly attended church with the kids, took family trips and outings; celebrated holidays, dressed up for church and always had a family outing after the Church Service. In August 1960, we even survived a Category 4 Hurricane Donna huddled together through the night. We lost the Mulberry Tree in that hurricane. It was sometime in 1960 when this guy came to the Park Drive residence; he looked like a big “me.” He said he was my big brother; I swelled with pride as I was sure that I had other people in my life. “Charlie, as he was called, had just completed a prison sentence, moved into the rooming house for a while.

In 1961, Catherine, after the birth of her fourth and final child “Earnest,” with the exception of Albert who was still in Sylvania with our Aunt Viola, moved into the rooming house too. Jeff also moved into the rooming house. Betty and Bobby also returned to Daytona from Sylvania and moved into the rooming house as well; Bobby lived there only for a while as he enlisted in the U.S. Army. Grady (Aleem) stopped by in Daytona to see Elnora before leaving for Miami. Then after 3 and one half years together, in December of 1962, Jack and Elnora had their first and only child together, “Earnestine.”

Catherine and Elnora’s babies were born close together, less than a year apart and looked alike. Hence the names Earnest and Earnestine. Did you know…, that Elnora, an incredibly strong young lady, had her first child Willie and her last child Earnestine without the assistance or support of mid-wife or hospital? They were both delivered by Elnora; in the case of Earnestine the ambulance had been called but the baby arrived before it did. With Willie don’t know what happened with the mid-wife. Just before Earnestine’s birth Elnora, Jack, Frances, Greg and DL moved out of the main suite in the big house to the smaller house. The smaller house was larger than the main suite of the big house. Within 6 months of Earnestine’s birth, Mary (10) and Jimmie (13), Elnora’s last 2 children who were still with her parents in Sylvania were returned to her in Daytona.

During the summer of 1963 Elnora and Jack separated; no one ever told me the “why” but if I was to guess I would say that Jack was overwhelmed by the return of Elnora’s Children not yet self- sufficient though they were working hard to be. Elnora, Jimmie, Mary, DL and Earnestine were picked up from Park Drive and taken to Miami, FL by Capus. This is a good time to note that DL is no longer the baby; Earnestine is now. And, from there their journey continues.

2019 © Dave Ponder

Capus settled into life in Miami, FL without ‘Nora; he had the company and support of a friend from Sylvania, John Kelly. I imagine for Capus, losing his ‘Nora was hard and confusing. He fought hard for her but could not win back her love and affection. He had no defense back then for what we now know to be treatable erectile dysfunction; or it may have been a subject for them too sensitive to talk about. What Capus did not know before moving his family from Sylvania, GA to Daytona Beach, FL is that ‘Nora was already gone. By moving her to Daytona Beach he had simply delivered her to where she wanted to be. You see, on her return trip from Newark, NJ back to Sylvania (Part 2 of 4; 6th paragraph) Elnora met Earl Stokes (Jack) on the train, he was from Daytona Beach. Over the course of the train ride Elnora and Jack established a relationship. And, the Ponder Family’s journey continued….

Meanwhile, back in Daytona Beach, as quick as Capus ass could darkened the doorway Elnora was arranging for their eight children, Jeff (16), Betty & Bobby (14), Wilbert (12), Grady (11), Jimmie (9), Mary (6) and DL (3) still living at home to be taken back to Sylvania, GA and left with her parents, the sharecropping farmers, to help them on the farm. My siblings railed against the idea of returning to Sylvania, complaining that their father would have never allowed that to happen. Jeff flat out refused to go back; he was working for S&S Cafeteria as a cook and decided that he would make it from there on his own. Elnora kept D.L. with her as he was too young to be of any use on the farm; everybody else was returned to Sylvania.

Working the farm with Eddie Knight,  Grandpa was no joke; by this time he was 88 years old and still running the farm. He was not laid back and easy going like their father, he was demanding with strict requirements for the work. Two of our cousins, George Barnes, “Some Boy” and Jonathan Barnes “Shot” already lived with Pa and had set a crazy standard for picking cotton at a rate of 200 pounds per day. Grandpa enforced that standard with my sisters and brothers, with Grady and Wilbert being the only two to eventually handle it. For the 200 pounds of cotton per day they received $6 that was to be given in its entirety to Grandpa. Once, on the way from the fields, on a Friday after having been paid the $6; the truck stopped by the store on the way back to Grandpa. Wilbert made a decision to spend 25 cents of the $6. When the truck made it back to the farm and grandpa discovered what Wilbert had done he beat him severely with a plough line.

The Ponder siblings found themselves in a hostile environment, where they were not welcomed; with no mom or dad. The older Ponder siblings Catherine, Capus, Jr., Ben and Jeff were young adults and teenagers working to find their own way; they were not yet able to provide their younger siblings a rescue. Then there was Betty, Elnora and Capus 5th child, she assumed the role of the protector of her younger siblings. She would frequently defend them against cousins, aunts and even Grandma and Grandpa, to the extent that she could. A slip of a girl, Capus called her, “little bit” which says nothing about the size of the fight within her. The farm was not safe for any of the females that resided there. Shamefully, the unspeakable stories of sexual abuse were all too true and common knowledge.

Elnora and Capus’ 10th child, their youngest daughter Mary, when she was only eight was the victim of such sexual violence. It was on a Saturday; all of the cousin workers had left for town or so she thought. She was alone in her Grandparents bedroom, because it was the room that had the fireplace and everyone generally gathered there. Suddenly, her older cousin came into the room forcibly grabbed her, threw her onto her Grandparents bed and raped her. Leaving her on the bed bleeding with nothing to say but, “Grandma was going to whip her for bleeding in her bed.” Mary told Betty as soon as she could get to her. Together they went immediately to Grandma and told her what had happened. Grandma took no action; didn’t even believe her, wouldn’t believe her. She said that “Mary probably asked for it, the brazen hussy!” Eight years old and she was asking for it from someone twice her age?! If the rape of Elnora caused a divide between Ponder and Knight; then the rape of Elnora’s daughter served only to solidify that divide. And, so it went for the Ponder siblings for the next 3 years.

In 1961 most of the Ponder siblings were old enough to make their own decision about being in Sylvania. Bobby & Betty (17) left and went back to Daytona Beach with Elnora. Bobby was old enough to join the military, so he did; enlisting in the Army. Wilbert (15) left my grandparents’ home to spend the rest of his time in Sylvania with our Aunt Viola (Ann Sister) and Uncle Ben Joe. Aleem (13), was tired of waiting to be old enough to leave. He ran away from Sylvania, and the Grandparents, headed for Miami, FL in search of his hero, Cassius Clay. Over the next few months the remaining Ponder siblings, Jimmie (12) and Mary (9) was delivered to Elnora; now residing in Daytona Beach with a somewhat different family.

Stay tuned to the saga of Elnora’s Children as they return to Daytona and Elnora. And, the Ponder Family’s journey continues…

2019 © Dave Ponder

Daytona Beach, FL, Campbell Street

It was early 1956 when the Ponder Family, Capus (57), Elnora (41) and their children Jeff (15), Betty & Bobby (14), Wilbert (13), Grady (12), Jimmie (10), Mary (6) and Dave (3), arrived in Daytona Beach joining Catherine, their oldest daughter, her husband Albert, Sr. (Sugar Babe) and their children Christeen (4), Gene (2) and Albert, Jr. in Daytona Beach, FL. It was a time of hope and challenge; a fresh start in a new direction. At least it was for Elnora, a talented Seamstress; she was able to consistently find suitable employment.

For Capus the experience was different; he was finding the allure of meaningful employment to have rung hollow. He did not have the success that Elnora found so readily; his work was sporadic at best. I wish that I could tell you that things got better from there but they did not; as a matter of fact things got progressively worse. The strain placed on the family with Capus being mostly out of work and very melancholic about the situation became over-whelming.

Their remaining children at home continued their march toward growing up, leaving the nest. While growing up they spent plenty of time together enjoying each other’s company. Romping and rollicking around; memories from this time includes Wilbert being hit by a car while running across Campbell St. This resulted in joint and muscle damage that made one of his legs appear shorter than the other when walking.

Then there’s the time that the Ponder siblings had so much fun pushing around Elnora’s baby boy on an old dresser, usually stored on the front porch. The dresser had wheels and rolled easy enough; they did not failed to note that there was a hole in the front porch they just accepted the challenge of avoiding it. Needless to say that eventually they pushed the dresser into the hole on the porch and the sudden stop threw the baby from the dresser, pass the porch onto the ground. Betty led the race to get to the baby to ensure that he was okay. “Thank God;” the baby appeared to be okay, no visible sign of injury and he didn’t cry too much. They rushed to get D.L. cleaned up before Mom got home from work. Elnora arrived home from work to find D. L. running around playing as usual; except when she attempted to pick up her baby boy by his arms, he screamed like a banshee. She immediately got him medical attention; finding that the fall had broken his collar (clavicle) bone. You can be sure that Elnora made it plain to her young’uns why they would not be rolling the baby on the dresser again.

Meanwhile, the divide that now existed between Capus and Elnora, in the same space where they once held so much love for each other, was growing into a chasm. The problems between them magnified; like the 16 year age difference which was their prevailing problem. Capus, 57 and in sexual decline, Elnora 41 and at her sexual peak. I remember asking my mom about this time in her life; “what happen to you and dad?” As she contemplated her response it appeared as if the memories were flowing through her mind; she said sadly, “after he had you that was all he could do (sexually).” He also resented that she was away from home most of the day. He developed deep trust issues relative to Elnora and her working all the time. He started to show up on her job, unannounced, often time causing a scene. Frequently accusing her of being unfaithful.

In 1958 Capus left Daytona Beach, Elnora and his children and moved to Miami, FL under the guise of searching for work. I think that it was more to hide his broken heart. This effectively ended their 20 year relationship as Elnora did not follow him there, (at least not right away) nor did she await his return.

The first 3 Parts of the Great Divide focused on the Knights early treatment of their daughter Elnora; Part 4 of the Great Divide will focus on the division created by the Knights treatment of Elnora’s Children. In the midst of it all Elnora and Capus divide. And, the Ponder Family’s journey continues….

2019 © Dave Ponder

  Elnora and 1st Daughter Catherine

The 1940 U.S. Census shows Capus (35 yrs old) and Elnora (19 yrs old), married and living in Hilltonia Town, GA a city about 12 miles from Sylvania our family’s home and area. The Census showed too that living with them were Willie (6 Yrs old), Joseph (4 Yrs old; Capus’s son from a previous marriage), Catherine (2 yrs old) and Capus Jr. (1 yr old). Ethel Mae, Capus oldest daughter, lived with her mother. It is from here that their journey began…

Unfortunately, the family lacked the money to purchase farmland, seeds, livestock, and equipment they needed to begin farming. They were forced into sharecropping and tenant farming: sharecroppers and tenants rarely broke out of this system to become landowners themselves. Capus and Elnora settled into working the land and raising children. Over their next 20 years together they had 9 additional Children: Benjamin, Cyler (Jeff), Betty & Bobby (twins), Wilbert, Grady (Aleem), Jimmy, Mary and Dave.

Elnora’s family, who were farmers (sharecroppers) grew really envious of Elnora and Capus good fortune to have birthed 9 boys. Their fields were full of cotton, beans, corn and much more to pick; and then the fields would need to be cleared, ploughed, and replanted all over again. They had visions of being successful in the world of sharecropping; and, 9 boys were resources that could be used. There was still a lot of tension between Capus and the Knights resulting from their earlier treatment of Elnora and her child.

I would like to tell you that Elnora and Capus’s vision for sharecropping was realized but it wasn’t. Most common reason offered for their failure, especially by Elnora’s family, is that Capus was not up to the challenge of sharecropping. Also, like in a lot of families the children got older and started to leave the nest.

By 1952, the two oldest daughters, Ethel Mae and Catherine had married and left Georgia. Ethel married Jimmy For (Chinese) and moved to New Jersey where she lived and raised her family. Catherine moved to Daytona Beach, FL with her husband Albert Kelly (Sugar Babe) in pursuit of work. Capus Jr. age 15 with cousin Eugene followed Catherine to Daytona in search of work as well. Willie 17 moved to Washington DC where he lived around his father’s (John Prescott) family for a major part of his life. Capus, Jr. and Eugene got themselves into some serious trouble; they committed an act of robbery. They were caught, tried and sentence to 12 years in prison. Its during this time that the family lost track of Joseph; we do not know to where he migrated, or how he lived or even how long he lived. We do not know if he married or had children (we continue to search for answers). Ben was always the the Lion of the Ponder Family; when it came to family, Ben not only talked the talk, he walked the walk. He was the one person that was always there for you; no matter distance, no matter situation if you were in need he would be there to provide support. The landowner, Robert Morgan liked the way he worked. He was chosen to oversee two of his farms with all the perks that went with the position. He was given a house to live in with access to cars and trucks as needed. He did not leave Sylvania at this time.

Early 1957, to provide support to Ethel who was giving birth to twin sons (Bruce & Alfred), Elnora with her baby boy Dave travelled to New Jersey by train to visit Ethel. After returning home to Sylvania Elnora was ready to move to Daytona Beach, FL. Based on information relative to work being available,  Capus left Hilltonia Town, GA and moved to Daytona Beach.  He prepared the way for his family; Elnora, Jeff, Betty, Bobby, Wilbert, Grady, Jimmie, Mary and Dave to join him there. So in mid 1958, the Ponder Family of Screven County, Sylvania & Hilltonia Town, GA pulled up stakes and relocated to Daytona Beach, FL, Volusia County, where the Ponder Family’s Journey continued!

2019 © Dave Ponder

It was around 4:30, 5:00 am one week day morning like so many other week day mornings on the farm; it was still cool and dark outside. A young girl, 14 -15 years old moved about the kitchen preparing breakfast for this farming family like she does every morning. Then suddenly out of the darkness of one of the rooms came her older sister’s husband. He forced himself sexually on Elnora; she was unable to fight him off though she tried. She was raped by her brother-in-law; but that wasn’t the worst thing. She felt raped all over again when her parents discounted her truth and chose to believe him over her; he said she came on to him.

She was ostracized by her parents who punished her by taking the baby (Willie) and raising him themselves. As you might imagine this caused Elnora a great deal of stress resulting in her leaving home (run away); she eventually met Capus Ponder who loved her, married her in 1936 and supported her in getting Willie back from her parents. For a lot of his young life Willie thought that Grandma was his mother and Elnora his Aunt. This was the tragic event that created a divide between Elnora and her family for a long time which was such a shame because she really loved her family.

I was a young fellow when my mom through her tears told me about this incident. I guess she felt she had to since I asked so many questions about Willie and why his name was different. Even though that event had long since past I could still see the hurt on her face and in her voice. I don’t share this story with the family without knowing the pain and concern this information will cause some but felt it necessary that Elnora’s descendants know her true story.

This is the event that created the divide between the Knight and the Ponder families. The Great Divide covered 25 years of Elnora’s young life, 1936 – 1961 and focused more on the struggles and tragedies of the time. Our family has kept those unfortunate incidents buried within the Legacy Generation of Elnora’s Children. We should also note that no matter the degree of hurt that Elnora felt relative to the incident surrounding the conception and birth of her first child Willie; she still managed, overtime, to have a very good and active relationship with her parents.

My relationship with and knowledge of my grandparents and their farm, my aunts and cousins were developed over our many trips to Sylvania from Daytona Beach for holidays, family reunions (before there was a charge) and just to visit. My point, is that the perception of a “great divide” between the Knights and the Ponders is just that someone’s perception. We are, and have been, and will continue to be family. What our family experienced over that 25 year period is the same that so many other country farming families endured. I think Oprah Winfrey (Ms. Sophia) stated it best in the film “The Color Purple” when she stated: “A girl child ain’t safe in a family of men.”

We are vetting these concerns now so that we can exorcise feelings of deep anger, hurt and resentment that still exist within some of the Ponders. We must be strong within ourselves and our families so that we are able to forgive the indiscretions committed by those too weak to admit and account for their actions. By doing so we may once again become the “Ponder-Knights” that we are. Ase’

2019 © Dave Ponder

Greetings family, I was in Sylvania, GA the city of Elnora’s and most of her children’s birth, for her nephew’s

Vernon T. Bryant

Home Going Services – June 8th 2019

The service was well attended and his life was celebrated by all, and told in stories related by friends and family. There was a lot of the family there that I had not seen in a while it kind of felt like a reunion:

Cousin Marie

Cousins Geraldine and Marie

Cousin Debbie; Maggie’s dauhter

Aunt Annie Lee; Elnora’s youngest and only living sister

My nephews Ronnie and Robert with their mom Clayzell

Cousins; Christine, Jane Carol & Mary

Cousins Kenny & Jeff

Cousin Lori

Cousin Maggie Lee

A life long buddy, Tommy (T-Bird) Roland was there; we too are family he is married to my cousin Marie

Cousin Brint

Cousin Jowell looking a lot like her mother Lillie Bryant

It felt good; like coming home!

Vernon’s home going services was held at “Black Creek Church & Cemetery” the church home and final resting place for so many of Elnora’s family!

Vernon’s transition was truly to a place where he is amongst his family that has too completed their journey, including his mother, Grandfather and Grandmother:

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2019 © Dave Ponder

Matriarch of the Ponder-Stokes Family

The Goddess Elnora!!!

June 24, 1916 – March 18, 1996

Wednesday June 24th 2020 is her 104th Born Day; the Elnora’s Children Web Site is dedicated to her loving memory.

May she Rest In Power forever!

Catherine’s Crew

Ponder-Stokes Family

POWER & GROWTH

“Power & Growth?” What does that look like when there’s family in need? Does it send family rushing to family in need? Does it have family giving all it has above what’s needed to live to ensure that a family’s needs are met? I can’t say that it does as much as I think that it should as we are a large and potentially powerful family.

“Power & Growth?” Let’s not talk the talk without walking the walk. Any of us working with SSA, Medi-Care and/or Medi-Caid can understand the changing requirements of retaining coverage and the potential to be uncovered by transition (moving from one type of coverage to another). Catherine had to suffer such a transition; it left her without coverage for a period of time as the transition was being completed. When Catherine was without Medi-Caid coverage the facility charges accrued to $4,800.00.

Catherine is a family heirloom, the oldest living member of the Ponder-Stokes Clan; the “Daughter,” “Big Sister,” “Momma,” & “Grand Ma.” I will heed Ashley’s request for our “family” support, by contributing $100, ($50 from me and $50 from my wife, Sharon) to the “Go Fund Me Account.” I challenge all family to give what you can and give it now. Power & Growth!!